


Settling Down

by Shay_Moonsilk



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Coming Out, Dori wants the best for his brothers, Dwalin is smitten, Fili is gonna attempt invisibility here, Gen, M/M, Nori and Ori are insecure but it's cute because they're adorable, Nori is a Little Shit, Ori Is A Sweetheart, and also insecure, he also makes the best cookies, he always has champagne on hand of sudden celebration, he's like a mom that wants his kids to settle down, where does he get his champagne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:33:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4377329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Moonsilk/pseuds/Shay_Moonsilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dori wants his brothers to settle down with a nice dwarf, but will he like the ones they chose? </p><p>Spoiler: Yes he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Settling Down

**Author's Note:**

> Also inspired by this piece of art by Sarcasticasides http://sarcasticasides.tumblr.com/post/121153211261/postponed-noseboops-for-this and I'm really hoping they don't think I'm some sort of weirdo because this is the third sketch I've done this with. 
> 
> But the headcannons here make me think Dori is like that Jewish mom (or my Jewish grandma) that's always like "settle down and give me kids/grandkids" and he's just beautiful.

Visits to Dori’s were always uncomfortable for Nori. It wasn’t because Dori was a bad brother, but he was so _overbearing_ and full of _expectations_ that Nori wasn’t good enough to fulfill. When they were younger, it used to always be him saying, “ _Oh Nori, when are you going to stop thieving?_ ” (While he’d fuss over his hair and feed him cookies because Dori didn’t play fair). And Dori _knew_ him well enough that he couldn’t just stop thieving - as if it were a _choice_ and not who he _was_.

Then reclamation of Erebor happened and he became the King’s Spymaster – problem solved, or so he thought.

But then it became, “ _Oh Nori, when are you going to settle down with a nice dwarf?”_ (Which was also said over cookies and hair braiding because Dori was _evil_ ).

He’d felt so ashamed of himself in those moments because Dori would always say it with such a heart-breaking tone, with that sympathetic look in his eye because he just wanted what was _best_ for Nori and he _always_ believed Nori deserved the best, no matter what he’d been through. And Nori wanted to make Dori happy because he was _Dori_ , but he couldn’t tell him that there was no way the dwarf he loved could possibly love him back. Instead, he settled for his trademark smirk and would flippantly say, “No dwarf could hold all this down,” and here he would gesture to his body because even though he was insecure about finding someone he knew he was Ri and the Ri’s were attractive (it made perfect sense he could be confident about his body and not how he looked to others _shut up_ ).

But he’d always thought he was the disappointment of the family until he had dinner with Dori and Ori that night (he decided to lay low that night and catch up with his brothers) and he saw how Dori began to talk about _Ori_.

Before the quest, Ori had been underage, and could never have any interest in anybody _ever_ at all (in Nori’s mind). But he’d come of age on the road and had done quite nicely for himself – official scribe to the king, dear friend to the princes, and even had the respect of Dwalin for the way he’d wielded his war hammer in the Goblin caves.

( _Nori could wield Dwalin’s Warhammer whenever the warrior wished_ )

Anyway the point was that Ori was _perfect_ and he and Dori were proud of him. And apparently, Dori saw him as an adult now because the absolute first thing he said after they’d recounted their days was, “And Ori dear, when are _you_ going to settle with a nice dwarf?”

Nori had spluttered and chocked on his mead, but Dori didn’t pay him any mind except to hand him a napkin and look at Ori until he expected an answer. But Ori didn’t even looked shocked – he’d sighed loudly in a way that told Nori that this conversation happened quite often and denied being interested in anyone.

Suddenly, Nori didn’t feel so bad anymore. When Dori left to get tea and cookies, he raised his glass to Ori in commiseration.

\--

So maybe his feelings towards Dwalin weren’t as unrequited as he thought, and maybe the warrior liked him back.

Jury was still out – but the way he kissed and held Nori the previous night had signs pointing to yes. And then with the way they’d spent the _rest_ of the night, well.

His life was great.

Nori let his back arch while he stretched it the next morning, and relaxed when he both heard and felt the satisfying _crack_.

He never wanted to leave Dwalin’s bed _ever_.

The rightful owner of the bed chuckled and said, “You can stay as long as you’d like.”

Apparently he’d said that bit out loud. Not one to feel shame (no Dwalin he wasn’t blushing _Dwalin_ was blushing) he flopped back down and snuggled into the guard, sighing in contentment as the warrior’s arms went around him. This was perfect.

“I _would_ stay here forever but I gotta go.”

Dwalin made a cross between a grunt and a groan (he was so cute Nori was _keeping_ him) and made a show of clinging to him as Nori pulled away. The former thief laughed as he had to drag Dwalin’s arms off of him, and then set off to work recovering his clothes. Dwalin propped himself on an elbow, watching Nori cover up the best body under the Mountain.

“Come back tonight?” Dwalin asked, hating his voice for wavering ever so slightly. The guard couldn’t help but be insecure. This was Nori, who was _beautiful_ and a _Ri_ and one day he was going to see that he could do so much better-

Nori leaned over and kissed him, silencing both his thoughts and the crippling insecurity before it got too bad.

“I can, but I’ll be late… Dori’s having a dinner and I have to go.”

Dwalin said it didn’t matter, gave Nori one last kiss, and watched the thief go out the window with a smile.

He may be honest but Nori _liked_ using the windows to leave places. It was absolutely silly but it was adorable (it was so _Nori_ ), especially because it wasn’t like Balin didn’t know he’d spent the night. They weren’t exactly quiet.

\--

Oh Mahal.

He had to tell _Dori_.

He owed it to his older brother to tell him about this, because he and Dwalin were _serious_ and they’d _talked_ about it and everything. But how would he react? He’d always gone on about how Dwalin and Balin (voice always sighing about _wonderful_ Mr. Balin) were such _loyal_ dwarves, how _noble_ the Fundin house was, and how _impressive_ they’d been on the quest. But it was one thing to be friendly with a family and then have your brother date one of them.

Nori’s work that day involved speaking with the King about information he’d picked up on. That wouldn’t be too bad. He could bust Ori out of work and take his kid brother to lunch – no way would Thorin say no because even kings had to eat lunch too. Ori told him how Bilbo brought food every day (claiming that exact phrase), and made everyone leave so they could have an hour alone together (and some days Bilbo would leave with an empty tray, flushed face and on one memorable occasion mis-matched buttons). So Thorin would _have_ to let him take Ori.

He turned a corner, and stopped dead.

There, in an alcove, was his little Ori, Fili over him and they were kissing and Ori’s hands were over his shoulders while Fili had one arm wrapped around his back and the other was low on his waist and going lower and that was something _no_ brother should _ever_ have to see.

So Nori decided to be a little shit about it.

“I know I haven’t been in the palace long, but is this how we’re greeting each other now?”

It was worth his eternal mental scarring to see them break apart with holy fear. Ori had gasped in shock, relaxed when he saw it was Nori, and then tensed horribly because it was _Nori_. Fili was attempting to master invisibility behind a nearby plant.

Nori crossed his arms, and tapped his foot. “I’m waiting.” He said. And Fili may be a prince, and Nori may have taught him his tricks with the knives the princeling always carried with him, but so far he wasn’t impressed with the hiding trick.

Finally, Fili emerged from behind the plant and returned to his place by Ori’s side.

In a voice that reminded him of his king, Fili took Ori’s hand and laced their fingers together. “I love him.” He said earnestly to the Spy, and Ori blushed as red as his hair. “He’s my One, and I’m going to ask Uncle’s permission to court him.”

What was Nori supposed to do to that? Ori was looking at him like he hung the moon and it was _disgustingly adorable._

“Please don’t tell Dori.” Ori pleaded, and Nori couldn’t say no to that face because he wasn’t a heartless _monster_. But he liked to have fun with people, so he made a show of stroking his beard thoughtfully and that was when Ori lost his patience.

“If you do I’ll tell Dori about Dwalin!” And that took away his good mood _fast_ because how did Ori _know_?

He scowled, and at this point they were both ignoring the prince, who was looking more and more bewildered. This was a manner between _brothers_ now.

Let it never be said Nori didn’t know how to fold.

“Alright. I won’t say anything to Dori.” They both exhaled in relief.

Then Nori gave a grin that had Fili backing away in terror and Ori paled.

“I won’t say anything to Dori,” Nori purred, “Because you’ll tell him tonight after I tell him about Dwalin.”

\--

Dori couldn’t get mad at them both at the same time – this was science.

Ori wasn’t inclined to believe Nori about this, but Nori ignored the doubtful look. He was older and knew more anyway so it didn’t matter if Ori was doubtful.

“I tell him about Dwalin, you tell him about Fili. That’s the deal.” He reminded the scribe, and he nodded in agreement.

Together, they entered the house to Dori’s angry fretting.

“Where have you _been_! I expected you two an _hour ago_ the food has gotten _cold_!” He tapped his foot impatiently when neither brother moved to take off his coat and sit down. Dori paused. “What is it?”

Nori shifted. He was older and he promised Ori he’d go first, so he did. No real way to preamble into it so he just went for it.

“So, I have a boyfriend now.”

Dori was speechless.

“Me too.” Ori offered, looking away.

There was silence in which nothing happened, and Nori was beginning to think they broke Dori.

He exchanged a look with Ori, whose gaze told him he was thinking the same thing.

So both were startled at the loud _pop_ , and they turned to see Dori and where in Mahal’s name did he get the _champagne_ from-

“Tell me everything!” he swooned.

\--

As Dori learned about how they got with Dwalin and Fili respectively (pouring more champagne _where was it all coming from_ so they’d keep talking whenever they clammed up) he was hard-pressed to say which of them he was more proud of. Fili was the crown prince, yes, but Dwalin was also shield-brother to the King and such a _good, respectable_ choice for a partner. He was so _proud_ of them both and Nori’s chest swelled with pride because it felt so _good_ to have Dori be proud.

It took no time for Nori and Ori’s terrified sibling solidarity to dissolve into fighting over who had the better partner and who Dori should be prouder of.

**Author's Note:**

> -hides face in hands- 
> 
> Any comments are love and cause me to make happy squealing noises. I take requests, headcannons, and more via messages here at my tumblr which is jmiracles


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